Helping Moms Create a Mindfulness Practice
Most moms run on auto-pilot more often than they’d like. They plow through their days with determination and focus, and fall into bed exhausted yet satisfied that their to-do lists are completed. They plan meals, negotiate housework, shuttle kids to and from school (while playing their Suzuki CDs no less), and steal a few precious minutes at the end of it all for themselves and their partners. This is not to say that dads don’t do these things either, because they do. But as a whole, moms still take on a disproportionate amount of housework in our society, even if they also work outside the home. Interestingly, this seems to be less of an issue for same-sex couples. At any rate, this article is for moms who feel like they multi-task all the time, and feel stressed and rather unfulfilled because of it. My message to these moms (and I am one of you) is simple: Develop a mindfulness practice.
Here is where you may stop reading, maybe because practicing mindfulness seems too foreign or time-consuming, or because it doesn’t sound tangible enough. Please hang in there. At the end of this article, I am including one way to start developing this new habit. If you want to check-out different ways (as there are many of them), downloading them may be the easiest way. I recommend browsing through the various options provided by Health Journeys or by real life ninja and psychologist Richard Sears.
So why is developing a mindfulness practice so important? Because we can’t influence what we don’t notice. If we don’t take the time to check in with ourselves (much like we check in with our employees or our friends), we run the risk of losing touch with how we are doing. We fail to notice tension spreading through our bodies, and forget that we haven’t eaten or consumed water in hours. We lose track of our own experience, and compromise everything we are trying to accomplish because we get irritable, rush through tasks, and make mistakes. Most importantly, we find little pleasure or fulfillment in the very things that consume our lives.
But when we actually start to pay attention, something really cool happens. We notice that our bodies talk to us all the time. We notice the early signs of stress, or tension, or irritability, and learn to intervene before it’s too late. We also improve our ability to predict situations that are likely to de-rail us and better prepare for them. As a consequence, we find that those pesky mommy melt-downs happen less frequently. Best of all, we increase our ability to think clearly and prioritize more effectively.
So if you are intrigued enough to give this a try, I send you positive thoughts and offer an imaginary fist bump. Know that I am on this journey with you, practicing away. Just remember, the goal is not to be mindful per se, but to practice mindfulness. Practice while you eat, while you’re at the grocery store, and while you wait at the dentist’s office. Practice it during your daughter’s hockey practice or while in line at the bank. Focus on frequently rather than on duration. The more often you check-in with yourself, the more chances you have to auto-correct.
One Approach to Practicing Mindfulness
- Begin with a slow, deep breath through your nose, feeling your stomach expand out and away from your spine as the oxygen enters your body. Hold your breath for a count of 3-2-1 and slowly release your breath as if you were exhaling through a straw. Feel your stomach settle back down towards your spine. Continue with this type of belly-breathing, creating a nice, slow rhythm.
- Slowly scan your body. Take stock of how you are feeling. Start with your head, slowly move over your neck and shoulders, move along your chest and stomach, down over your thighs and calves, and over your feet and toes. Make note of any sensations (tension, aches). If you start thinking about the sensations and what they may mean or why they exist, gently bring your attention back to your breath and continue your scan. Your goal at this moment is to notice, not interpret or problem-solve. Each time your thoughts distract you (and they will), just bring yourself back to your breath. This skill is at the heart of mindfulness.
- Bring your attention back to the here and now. Consider what you learned as you focused on your breath and scanned your body. See if there is anything you can do with that information. Perhaps you can take a moment to stretch and release the tension in your neck. Maybe you can get a glass of water or have a snack. If nothing else, simply take note that there is tension, or irritability, or sadness in your body. Don’t dwell on it and don’t judge it. Know that the simple act of tuning into your body in this way can help you navigate your day with greater success.
Dr. Aysem Senyurekli is a Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Rekindle Counseling in Edina, MN. She helps couples and individuals rekindle their relationship health. Learn more about her work, or contact her directly at aysem@rekindlethespark.com or 952-806-0017.