Pre-Holiday Relationship Check

Time for a pre-holiday relationship check?

As we get closer to the holiday season, schedules start to fill up with errands to run, events to attend, and people to see. If we are not careful, we can say yes to a lot of good things and end up with little energy for the best things – the relationships with the people we love the most.

Start your season right with these simple tactics:

Set a time to talk with your partner about the upcoming holiday season.

Let your partner know you want to prioritize your relationship and discuss what you both would like. Discussing hopes and expectations ahead of time can go a long way to preventing misunderstandings and hurts.

Put some couple dates on the calendar through the end of the year.

If you don’t prioritize couple time, who will? Set some dates for the two of you on the calendar. If an amazing opportunity comes up later you can discuss how to balance your commitments, and do it without leaving the two of you behind.

Get acquainted with H.A.L.T.

Halt stands for “Hungry, angry, lonely and tired”. When you find yourself easily irritated at your partner, do a quick check-in to see if any of these might be part of your short fuse:

• • Are you hungry? If you are dehydrated or have missed a meal, you will be less capable of handling the usual ups and downs of relational interactions.

• • Do you have any resentment or anger that hasn’t been acknowledged? Anger that hasn’t been dealt with complicates interactions with our loved ones, and will make little annoyances into a much bigger issue.

• • Are you lonely? Loneliness can be a factor for you whether you have been by yourself or in the middle of a crowd. If you are feeling disconnected in your close relationships, you will be more likely to get easily irritated with your partner.

• Are you tired? If you are worn out and lacking in sleep, you will be less able to handle the normal ups and downs of daily life.

Periodically stop and check how you are doing throughout the holiday season. Take some time for self-care, as this can go a long way to preserving peace and goodwill.

It is important, and often challenging, to preserve a good connection through the holiday season. With some preparation and self-awareness the holiday season can be much easier on both of you.  

Getting Extra Help

If you struggle at holiday times, feel free to contact me at Rekindle Counseling, for a conversation either alone or with your partner. I can be reached by phone (calls only) at 952-806-0017 or email at Julie@rekindlethespark.com. Please also check our resources page at https://rekindlethespark.com/resources/stress-relaxation/ .

—Julie Krogstad is a graduate student intern at Rekindle Counseling.  Julie sees clients on Fridays and Saturdays for a reduced rate.