Pre-Holiday Relationship Check
Time for a pre-holiday relationship check?
As we get closer to the holiday season, schedules start to fill up with errands to run, events to attend, and people to see. If we are not careful, we can say yes to a lot of good things and end up with little energy for the best things – the relationships with the people we love the most.
Start your season right with these simple tactics:
Read More»Reading Your Way Through: Bibliotherapy with a Therapist
For those of us who have experienced reading as comforting or even as healing, the idea of structuring therapy around books or including books as part of therapy may be especially appealing. The concept of healing through a prescribed list for reading is not a new concept.
Read More»Why Consider Premarital Counseling with a Therapist?
Congratulations! You’re excited, focused on your wedding preparations, a little nervous perhaps, and ready to begin your life together. So why consider seeing a couples therapist at this stage? While it may be appealing to focus on the strengths of your relationship as you prepare to get married, looking honestly at your particular challenges now will really serve your relationship well.
Read More»Surviving Midlife Crisis as a Couple: Part 2
How to Survive Midlife Crisis as a Couple Part 2: Your Partner’s Midlife Crisis
Weathering your partner’s midlife crisis while keeping your sense of humor and hope is extremely challenging. The person you have known and love may be making changes, either subtle or radical. He or she may feel like a stranger some or most of the time. He or she may be rewriting history, even your history, and questioning you and the relationship. If you want to survive midlife crisis as a couple, you’ll have to be patient.
Read More»Learning Empathy
A common complaint among couples who come for help is that their partner is not very empathetic. “Why can’t he see when I’m upset?” “I’m completely overwhelmed by managing our bills, and she doesn’t care.” Sometimes it seems like we are wearing our emotions on our sleeves, but those emotions aren’t obvious to our partners. We feel like we are screaming, “help me!” and the response we get is as if nothing was wrong.
Read More»Enjoying the Empty Nest Years
If you’ve just sent your last child off to college this fall, you and your partner might be wondering what’s ahead for your marriage. Enjoying the empty nest years is not only possible, but also crucial since the years ahead may be the biggest chunk of your marriage!
Turn Towards Instead of Tuning Out
Do you ever tune out your partner or just give him or her half of your attention?
We’re all guilty of not really tuning in sometimes when someone is talking to us. We may not even realize what we are doing.
But it turns out that these small interactions are powerful…
In fact whether we tune in or tune out can show whether a relationship is heading toward success or failure according to research conducted at The Gottman Institute.
Read More»Tuning In
Many times couples will share stories that tell me they are doing an excellent job of tuning in to their children. What do I mean by “tuning in?” These parents are reading their kids’ words, faces, and body language as a way to understand their children’s feelings. Parents, for example, might look at their 9-year-old daughter and watch for signs that signal whether she’s had a good day or a bad day.
When parents take time to do this, they have “tuned in” to their child. And for many parents it comes naturally to offer an emotional response—anything from laughing with our children to comforting them with hugs, understanding, or problem-solving. In parent language, we generally think of “tuning in” as part of nurturing. Most of us know that this kind of love is included in the parenting job description.
Read More»Can We Read Minds? Mirror Neurons in Relationships
One of the most important parts of communication happens without any words. Each time we look at another person we are unconsciously making guesses about how that person is feeling and what he or she is intending to do. Sometimes we call this “empathy,” and we label some people more “empathetic” than others. But it turns out that we read each other because of our biology.
Read More»Little Things that Keep a Marriage Strong
What are happily married people doing that keeps them connected?
It turns out that strong marriages are built on little things that partners do every day. One of those daily things is staying in close touch with your partner’s inner world. Happily married people generally know what worries their partner has, and also know what their partner is looking forward to doing on any given day.
Many people do this well when they are dating, but over time will start to assume they know exactly what their partner is thinking and feeling. Often people in my office will say, “I know exactly what is on his/her mind.” Not surprisingly they often find that what they thought they knew was wrong.
Have you moved into the “management” phase of marriage, where most of your conversations revolve around the plumber, the kids, and the mortgage? If so you’ve probably lost track of your partner’s world. Try taking time in the evening before bed or in the morning over breakfast to find out more about what is on your partner’s mind. Research shows that your marriage will be stronger if you take the time to learn three things about your partner’s day every day.