Is anxiety affecting your relationship?
Everyone faces anxiety at times–that nagging feeling that something awful is about to happen. Anxiety is our body’s way of alerting our conscious mind to a potential threat in our path. Our brain initiates a chemical response to things we are perceiving: sight, smell, taste, a familiar situation, or an imagined chain of events. We feel that chemical response in our stomach as the “jitters,” in our chest and neck as a raised heartbeat or a flush, or even in our hands and feet as a cold chill. Our body says, “danger!” We alert and look around us to figure out what has alarmed us.
Read More»Pre-Holiday Relationship Check
Time for a pre-holiday relationship check?
As we get closer to the holiday season, schedules start to fill up with errands to run, events to attend, and people to see. If we are not careful, we can say yes to a lot of good things and end up with little energy for the best things – the relationships with the people we love the most.
Start your season right with these simple tactics:
Read More»Anxiety Tips and Tools
Anxiety affects people in multiple ways. It can cause migraines or muscle tension or stomach problems. It can cause insomnia as you toss and turn with worrisome thoughts that won’t stop. During the day, anxiety can keep you from enjoying the present moment. Anxiety that is more severe can get in the way of your day to day functioning so that you can’t take care of your home or work responsibilities.
Read More»A Path Towards Mindful Time-Management
Time-management is challenging on a good day. Add the extra hustle and bustle of the holiday season and it is easy to get overwhelmed. Multiple projects pop up simultaneously, leading to anxiety and frustration around dropping the proverbial ball.
Contrary to popular belief, we now know that focusing on one project at a time rather than trying to multi-task actually leads to more efficiency and accuracy. Articles in Forbes and Time also lay out how the process of trying to multi-task can actually be harmful. Surprised? I sure was.
Read More»Helping Moms Create a Mindfulness Practice
Most moms run on auto-pilot more often than they’d like. They plow through their days with determination and focus, and fall into bed exhausted yet satisfied that their to-do lists are completed. They plan meals, negotiate housework, shuttle kids to and from school (while playing their Suzuki CDs no less), and steal a few precious minutes at the end of it all for themselves and their partners. This is not to say that dads don’t do these things either, because they do. But as a whole, moms still take on a disproportionate amount of housework in our society, even if they also work outside the home. Interestingly, this seems to be less of an issue for same-sex couples. At any rate, this article is for moms who feel like they multi-task all the time, and feel stressed and rather unfulfilled because of it. My message to these moms (and I am one of you) is simple: Develop a mindfulness practice.
Read More»3 Tips for Being a Happier Parent
“It sucks. Parenting sucks.”
Chances are that you have thought (or said) something similar if you are a parent. Clients have certainly said this to me on a number of occasions. Meeting the demands of parenting is tough, and can leave you feeling more drained than fulfilled. Not only must you juggle multiple priorities at once (attending to needs at home, in the workplace, in the community, within your larger family), but you feel a pressure to juggle with a smile on your face.
Read More»Surviving Midlife Crisis as a Couple: Part 2
How to Survive Midlife Crisis as a Couple Part 2: Your Partner’s Midlife Crisis
Weathering your partner’s midlife crisis while keeping your sense of humor and hope is extremely challenging. The person you have known and love may be making changes, either subtle or radical. He or she may feel like a stranger some or most of the time. He or she may be rewriting history, even your history, and questioning you and the relationship. If you want to survive midlife crisis as a couple, you’ll have to be patient.
Read More»Surviving Midlife Crisis as a Couple: Part 1
If you are facing a midlife crisis, you may hope it will just go away, or you may believe that dismissing it or ignoring it will help. Unfortunately the feelings people experience in Midlife crisis are strong and often persistent, and it’s important to pay attention to those feelings without acting suddenly on them. Many couples make it through significant midlife issues. You can help your relationship by taking time to unpack the feelings you are having. Common feelings include:
Wanting change, often desperately. You may want to leave your partner and family, to start a new life, to find excitement. The pull to change things can be overwhelming at times.
Wanting to be with someone different—either specifically or as a vague idea that life would be easier or more fun with someone else.
Wanting to do things you never got to do as a young person, particularly if you’ve always been faithful and responsible. You may feel destructive, reckless, like you want to burn down your life—even intentionally sometimes. You may feel empty, resentful, angry, and rebellious.
Having trouble seeing why you chose this person, and why you should stay. You may feel that nothing you have is good enough or satisfying and that you want to cast off your life like an old coat you can’t remember why you chose. You likely want to live only for yourself and for the day. And you might occasionally have a sense of being confused and lost.
Most people facing a midlife crisis think there must be good reason for feeling all of these things, and they pay attention to the feelings without evaluating the bigger picture. Midlife crisis usually drives us into focusing on questioning our exterior life. In the bigger picture it can be an invitation to look intentionally at ourselves and reflect on what we want for the second half of our lives.
If you think you might be going through a midlife crisis:
- Don’t make any major changes.
- Have the courage to talk honestly and gently with your partner about what you’re experiencing.
- Remember that the intensity of your feelings will pass.
- Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who understands midlife crisis and can help you understand what a midlife crisis is and means, sort out what is really driving the urges you’re feeling, and walk through it with you.
Laura Lindekugel M.S., M.S. is a partner in Rekindle Counseling.
Surviving Midlife Crisis as a Couple Part 3: Midlife Crisis Together
How to Survive Midlife Crisis as a Couple Part 3: Surviving Midlife Crisis Together
Being in the midst of a midlife crisis can feel like being trapped in a nightmare for both partners. And it can seem like it will never end. It will. Keep checking in with each other. It is possible to survive midlife crisis together. The truth is that there are many gifts on the other side of a midlife crisis. Partners who can weather the storm of a midlife crisis with grace and dignity, by paying attention, by honoring the gripping desire for external change one partner is wrestling with, and who can focus on themselves and on the big picture, can come through the other side with a more fulfilling shared life than they had before the crisis. Relationships can be even more connected and exciting after a midlife crisis than might have been possible beforehand. Hang in there. This isn’t easy, but it’s possible. A crisis can be a catalyst for intentionality and meaning. It can be a break-through, a time to wake up and create a life that is in alignment with what you both truly want. In the midst of the crisis, external change seems like the answer; the siren song of the un-lived life can be powerfully gripping. But the deeper need over time is for internal reflection and understanding. On the hardest days remember it’s possible to survive a midlife crisis as a couple, to support each other through it, and to come though it stronger and more fulfilled than ever.
If you or your partner may be in the midst of midlife crisis:
- Be compassionate towards one another.
- Remember that this is a painful, challenging, and confusing time for both of you.
- Focus on yourself and try to use this time for growth and for pursuing individual interests.
- Honor the process, even when you want to be dismissive.
- Respect your partner, even if he or she seems or sounds like a stranger most days.
- Be gentle to yourself and to each other. Kindness goes a long way.
- Stay connected as much as you can.
- Have some fun together. Life is hard right now. Take a break and do something you enjoy together. Or find something new to do together.
- Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who truly understands midlife crisis and can help the two of you navigate this difficult time together.
Diet and Depression
Are diet and depression related? Almost everyone has foods they associate with comfort, and some people notice how different meals affect their levels of energy or alertness. But did you know that if you are struggling with depression, you may want to see a nutritionist and consider changing your diet?
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