What Happens in Therapy: From First Consult to Working Together
What Happens In Therapy?
Every therapist works differently. If we work together, this is what you may expect.
Free Initial Consultation
I encourage you to consider a free 30-minute initial consultation to see if I feel like a good fit for you. Read more about what happens in a consultation here.
Setting up Your First Appointment and Completing Forms
After our initial half-hour consultation, if you decide you would like to work together we will find a time that works well in your schedule.
Read More»Reading Your Way Through: Bibliotherapy with a Therapist
For those of us who have experienced reading as comforting or even as healing, the idea of structuring therapy around books or including books as part of therapy may be especially appealing. The concept of healing through a prescribed list for reading is not a new concept.
Read More»Can You Affair Proof Your Marriage? 21 Concrete Strategies for Affair Proofing Yourself
- At March 31, 2018
- By Laura Lindekugel
- In Affairs, Infidelity, Midlife Crisis, Sex
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Can You Affair Proof Your Marriage? 21 Concrete Strategies for Affair Proofing Yourself
There seems to be some buzz in our culture recently around affair proofing your marriage. This concerns me because it suggests that infidelity happens in the context of a relationship in which there is deficit. The logic goes that if your relationship is strong and healthy, you’ll never have to face infidelity as a couple. The truth is much more complicated than that. Infidelity happens in relationships that are struggling, and it also happens in good relationships, relationships where there is love and connection, commitment, and sexual passion. It’s true. Many people express skepticism around this, and it points to just how often we blame or assume fault with those who have been betrayed, even subtly. Infidelity happens in every kind of relationship.
Read More»Navigating Explosive Emotion and Rage After Infidelity
Navigating Explosive Emotion and Rage After Infidelity
If there has been infidelity in your relationship, it’s highly likely that the betrayed person has or will at some point become extremely emotional and/or enraged. This often happens when this person does not feel heard, understood, or validated, or that you do not understand the profound impact of the infidelity or the depth of the pain you have caused. Sometimes it comes as a result of wanting you to experience a fraction of the pain he or she is experiencing. If you respond with defensiveness or with moving away, the anger or emotion may escalate.
Read More»Ten Tips for Revealing and Discussing Infidelity
If you are considering revealing infidelity or infidelity has been discovered, these tips may help you to minimize damage and to set the foundation for repair, if that is what you desire. If the goal is recovery as a couple, it’s important to be intentional from the beginning. If you get mired in holding back information, denial, blurring facts, minimizing, and blaming, it will be more challenging to repair and rebuild trust. These are general guidelines. If you have special circumstances, such a partner with a history of depression, for example, do consider speaking with a counselor or therapist for more appropriate guidance tailored to your particular relationship.
Ten Tips for Revealing and Discussing Infidelity
Read More»Talking about Affairs: Healing the Hurt
- At April 26, 2015
- By Holly Birkeland
- In Affairs, Fighting, Sleep, Uncategorized
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You had an affair and your partner found out. While you understand the hurt and anger, you also fear it will never end. The rages surprise both of you, and leave you exhausted and disconnected.
You’ve said you’re sorry so many times you wonder if it is meaningful to say it again.
Read More»Recovering from an Affair
- At January 12, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Affairs
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If you have ever experienced a relationship where someone has broken your trust you know the emotions that overtake you. Most people describe not feeling like themselves at all, instead swinging from self-doubt to anger at the other person to depression. Many people experience a change in their behaviors, finding themselves doing and thinking things that they never did or thought before.
While the research on affairs is still in its infancy, more and more practitioners and researchers are noting the similarities between behavior after a breach of trust and behavior after a trauma. As with a trauma, trigger events that remind a partner of a breach of trust (a memory, a name, a secretive behavior, a date on the calendar) can be followed by a flood of emotion that results in over-the-top fighting. Couples become exhausted, and concerned that this pattern will never change.
This makes couple counseling after an affair one of the most challenging types of counseling. Couples need help to rebuild trust, change problems that existed before the affair, and also to withstand the emotional roller coaster that often comes despite their best intentions. This type of rebuilding takes time and a high level of support for both partners.
Can relationships rebuild after a breach of trust? Yes they can. Relationships can actually become stronger and more purposeful as they rebuild. But both partners need a high level of commitment to make this work–and a willingness to be honest (even when it hurts) as they go forward. They also need to be ready to spend a challenging and difficult year rebuilding. Interested in learning more? Here are some books on relationships, including some recommended books on affairs.