What Kind of Help Do You Really Need?
Who can’t complain of an excess of demands and a shortage of time and patience? It’s harder when you feel that you can’t get the help you need from your partner. How do you ask for help? And just what do you really need?
Read More»Got an Autocorrect Problem?
Has your relationship got an autocorrect problem?
A few days ago I engaged in a conversation that I frequently have with couples. They were discussing a recent argument, and one of them said with frustration: “I told her I was sorry, but she can never accept that.” The partner in question replied, “You were just trying to end the argument.”
Years ago I would have gone on a fact-finding mission with this couple. I would have tried to figure out who was right: was he just trying to get out of it, or was she resistant to making up? Nowadays I see something else going on—and it reminds me of the autocorrect on my phone.
Read More»Negative Sentiment Over-ride
- At September 02, 2015
- By Aysem Senyurekli
- In Fighting, Mood, Uncategorized
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Are you experiencing Negative Sentiment Over-ride?
Are you constantly mad at your partner?
Are you expecting to be disappointed even before a problem arises?
Do you keep comparing your partner to someone else?
Do you find it difficult to remember why you are even together?
Read More»Women, Men, and Stress
- At May 13, 2015
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Brain Science, Fighting, Uncategorized
- 0
Do women and men experience and deal with stress differently? Popular opinions range from the “no differences” proposition to the “different planets altogether” idea. But what does the current science suggest about how men and women react under stress? Many studies point toward the idea that our hormones affect our physical and mental experience of stress, and influence how we interact with others when we are under stress. Here are a few studies that might be of interest.
Talking about Affairs: Healing the Hurt
- At April 26, 2015
- By Holly Birkeland
- In Affairs, Fighting, Sleep, Uncategorized
- 0
You had an affair and your partner found out. While you understand the hurt and anger, you also fear it will never end. The rages surprise both of you, and leave you exhausted and disconnected.
You’ve said you’re sorry so many times you wonder if it is meaningful to say it again.
Read More»Talking about Couple Issues
“I didn’t tell him how much it bothered me…he’d be annoyed and we’d probably end up fighting about it anyway.”
Sound familiar? You’ve probably heard something like this before, or even said it yourself on occasion about couple issues you have encountered. Periodically blowing off steam to someone else about your partner’s annoying habits can help, especially if the person you’re venting to can relate. But venting (or ignoring the problem altogether) shouldn’t replace talking with your partner.
Read More»Intimacy, guilt, shame, and fighting
- At June 10, 2012
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Fighting, Growing Closer
- 0
Brene Brown has another talk out on Ted.com that is worth 20 minutes of your time. Her talk on shame (and her original talk on vulnerability) highlight how important it is to be able to deal with the sides of ourselves that we are often afraid to show. Brown discusses the differences (based on her research) in how women and men process shame, and makes a case for shame ruling us if we don’t bring it out of the shadows.
Read More»Videos of the “Four Horsemen”
- At April 23, 2012
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Fighting, Things not to do
- 0
Ever wonder what distinguishes a strong relationship from one that is headed for disaster? John Gottman, marriage researcher, talks about his research on the four most damaging ways of communicating. These “Four Horseman” strongly predict which relationships will either self-report as very unhappy or end in break-ups. Listen to Gottman discuss the Four Horseman.
Working As A Team
- At April 20, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Fighting
- 0
What do you get when you mix two people who both have strong opinions and strong personalities? You often get a very fun dating life characterized by high energy and creativity.
What do you get when those same two people settle down and have kids? Well–if you are lucky those personality traits will help the two of you work together to create an active and organized home-life. If you aren’t so lucky you enter into a battle for who is going to be the boss.
Read More»When the problem isn’t your relationship
- At April 01, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Brain Science, Fighting, Mood, Sleep, Take Care of Yourself
- 0
Your partner is grumpy and moody. Little things become big things quickly. Is he depressed? Is something wrong with your relationship? Or is it just that she isn’t getting enough sleep?
We tend to take sleep for granted, and feel that we can rise above the feeling of being tired. There is no escaping the data, however. When we are tired
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