Who is Right?

Jerry Seinfeld’s new show “Marriage Ref” is off and running with 14.5 million viewers according to the Washington Post. No surprise there–most of us want someone to referee our fights at least occasionally (and want someone tell our partner just exactly how wrong he or she is).

Here’s the problem–couple research suggests that most couple fights aren’t really about who is right and who is wrong.  Annoying, eh? One of the running battles of my early years of marriage involved visitors.  The question was this: When visitors are coming in ten minutes, what is more important, cleaning the bathroom or mowing the lawn?

Most people have an opinion on this subject, but let’s face it, there is no book that definitively weighs the pros and cons of a clean bathroom vs. a mowed lawn. Why? Because battles like this, (and battles about cleaning the dishes, going out with friends, how to arrange the wedding…. you get the picture) are about preference and about feeling that the other person takes your preference seriously.

It’s not rocket science but here’s the bottom line: When we treat our partner as if they have a legitimate right to their preference (and we respect our own preference as well) life is happier. In my case sometimes I even mow the lawn and he cleans the bathroom.

Interested in learning more? Read the article at Brent Atkinson’s website (http://www.thecouplesclinic.com/resources/articles) on core differences.