Intimacy, guilt, shame, and fighting
- At June 10, 2012
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Fighting, Growing Closer
- 0
Brene Brown has another talk out on Ted.com that is worth 20 minutes of your time. Her talk on shame (and her original talk on vulnerability) highlight how important it is to be able to deal with the sides of ourselves that we are often afraid to show. Brown discusses the differences (based on her research) in how women and men process shame, and makes a case for shame ruling us if we don’t bring it out of the shadows.
Read More»Videos of the “Four Horsemen”
- At April 23, 2012
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Fighting, Things not to do
- 0
Ever wonder what distinguishes a strong relationship from one that is headed for disaster? John Gottman, marriage researcher, talks about his research on the four most damaging ways of communicating. These “Four Horseman” strongly predict which relationships will either self-report as very unhappy or end in break-ups. Listen to Gottman discuss the Four Horseman.
Sleep P.S.
- At April 20, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Sleep
- 0
As a follow up to the articles on sleep, don’t miss Eric Whitacre’s youtube production of Sleep. It is created from two thousand individually recorded voices. It may help you fall asleep as well…
Working As A Team
- At April 20, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Fighting
- 0
What do you get when you mix two people who both have strong opinions and strong personalities? You often get a very fun dating life characterized by high energy and creativity.
What do you get when those same two people settle down and have kids? Well–if you are lucky those personality traits will help the two of you work together to create an active and organized home-life. If you aren’t so lucky you enter into a battle for who is going to be the boss.
Read More»Ideas to help you sleep
- At April 01, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Mood, Sleep, Take Care of Yourself
- 0
Sleep hygiene is the practice of organizing life so you are more likely to sleep well. If you are a new parent you may not have this luxury, but most of us can do a little better taking care of ourselves using the following guidelines:
Read More»Sleep Disorder?
- At April 01, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Brain Science, Mood, Sleep, Take Care of Yourself
- 0
That snoring twitching thing in the bed next to you may just be a huge annoyance—but in too many cases she or he has an undiagnosed sleeping disorder. What signs should alert you to pursue the subject with your doctor or a sleep specialist? Get an evaluation whenever you feel a cause for concern, but see a specialist right away if you or a loved one suffers from any of the following
Read More»When the problem isn’t your relationship
- At April 01, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Brain Science, Fighting, Mood, Sleep, Take Care of Yourself
- 0
Your partner is grumpy and moody. Little things become big things quickly. Is he depressed? Is something wrong with your relationship? Or is it just that she isn’t getting enough sleep?
We tend to take sleep for granted, and feel that we can rise above the feeling of being tired. There is no escaping the data, however. When we are tired
Read More»Who’s Got a Better Memory?
- At January 26, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Brain Science, Fighting
- 0
Have you ever had a small argument turn into a big fight when you and your partner remember an event differently? You are telling a story, and you notice your partner’s eyes are rolling in exasperation:
“That’s not how it happened!”
“Yes it is!”
And suddenly you find yourself arguing about what happened in the first place and who remembers it more accurately.
You are not alone if you’ve had a conversation like this. Lots of couples find it irritating and exasperating when their partner seems to deliberately remember something inaccurately. We might feel like our partner doesn’t care enough to remember, or even worse, is trying to change the facts to suit their own agenda.
Now your partner may in fact be trying to pull the wool over your eyes, but it is more likely that both of you are facing the same issue: our memories are extremely inaccurate
Read More»Can We Read Minds? Mirror Neurons in Relationships
One of the most important parts of communication happens without any words. Each time we look at another person we are unconsciously making guesses about how that person is feeling and what he or she is intending to do. Sometimes we call this “empathy,” and we label some people more “empathetic” than others. But it turns out that we read each other because of our biology.
Read More»How to Make “I’m Sorry” Work Better
- At January 12, 2011
- By Jennifer Stoos
- In Fighting
- 0
Making up well
People in strong relationships know the value of saying, “I’m Sorry.” They also know the importance of letting their partner off the hook when their partner tries to make up with them. Listen to renowned couple researcher John Gottman as he describes what makes couple “repair” attempts work.