What Kind of Help Do You Really Need?
Who can’t complain of an excess of demands and a shortage of time and patience? It’s harder when you feel that you can’t get the help you need from your partner. How do you ask for help? And just what do you really need?
Read More»A Simple Fix to Help With Connection
- At November 08, 2017
- By Holly Birkeland
- In Bad Habits, Connection
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If you and your partner are complaining that you lack connection, you might be guilty of this:
After a day at work, you come in the door, shout out a “I’m home,” and the dog bounds over to greet you, letting you know with a wildly wagging tail how happy he is to see you. Your voice goes to a sing song-y, “Who’s a good boy”; you’re happy to see the dog too. You see your wife or your husband but all you get is a glance, the phone gets all the attention.
Read More»Enjoying the Empty Nest Years
If you’ve just sent your last child off to college this fall, you and your partner might be wondering what’s ahead for your marriage. Enjoying the empty nest years is not only possible, but also crucial since the years ahead may be the biggest chunk of your marriage!
Talking about Affairs: Healing the Hurt
- At April 26, 2015
- By Holly Birkeland
- In Affairs, Fighting, Sleep, Uncategorized
- 0
You had an affair and your partner found out. While you understand the hurt and anger, you also fear it will never end. The rages surprise both of you, and leave you exhausted and disconnected.
You’ve said you’re sorry so many times you wonder if it is meaningful to say it again.
Read More»Talking about Sex: Differences in Desire
- At April 26, 2015
- By Holly Birkeland
- In Growing Closer, Sex, Uncategorized
- 0
Sex is a challenge for many couples. Do these situations sound familiar to you?
- Your partner wants sex more often than you do, and you feel guilty about it, or
- You feel unloved/unattractive/undesirable because your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you
- You don’t touch your partner much anymore because touch is interpreted as attempt to have sex, and the rejection is killing you, or
- You move away from your partner when you get touched because your partner just wants sex
Differences in desire are common. Here are a couple of things to think about:
Read More»Tuning In
Many times couples will share stories that tell me they are doing an excellent job of tuning in to their children. What do I mean by “tuning in?” These parents are reading their kids’ words, faces, and body language as a way to understand their children’s feelings. Parents, for example, might look at their 9-year-old daughter and watch for signs that signal whether she’s had a good day or a bad day.
When parents take time to do this, they have “tuned in” to their child. And for many parents it comes naturally to offer an emotional response—anything from laughing with our children to comforting them with hugs, understanding, or problem-solving. In parent language, we generally think of “tuning in” as part of nurturing. Most of us know that this kind of love is included in the parenting job description.
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